Top 5 tips for a healthier relationship with your Teenager!

So if you have read my intro or about page you know that I am a mom. My eldest son is 14 years old.

These centennials are so entitled it’s unbelievable! Here are some tactics that works for me for an easier teen relationship.

Boundaries

From the day they took their first breaths and simultaneously took my breath away, my kids have known discipline and boundaries. I am in no way saying abuse your kids! Please don’t do that you will be arrested. But I am a colored Muslim (double whammy) , who came from a really strict household but somehow never got a hiding lol. With my kids it was different, I didn’t often hit them but each one got at least 1 memorable hiding. For my eldest it was me joking with him one day (he was around 3 years old) asking if he would like a hiding and he’s response was “hit me , I’m not scared”, I said “excuse me” while I picked up my stokkie slipper and he even pulled he’s own pants down for me and I gave him just 1 shot with the flexible old faithful. I promise I haven’t had to be a dragon ,screaming mad women again after that. He got the shock of he’s life and all I now have to do is say “excuse me” and conversation over or he changes he’s tone. – I asked him if he remembers it and he says he will never forget it. I know that not every parent will hit their kids, that’s OK and your choice, all I am saying is that if you’re a push over and want that to change, do something drastic that would never expect. And in this moment, I laughed at first until he cried , I felt like such an a**hole. But I kept strong, and just walked away. I didn’t apologize or anything. After that I used the naughty corner as my tool because I felt so bad. This can be effective as long as you take it seriously, they will want to come out and run around, the second it becomes funny or cute, just forget it, you’ve lost!

Create an open environment

At some point kids grow up, whether we like it or not, for every child those milestones happen at different ages. What you don’t want to do is over share…Let your child be a child for as long as possible!!! But also if they ask a question answer as honestly as you can and at an age appropriate level. So my son was about 9 when he asked “Mom, what’s a virgin” , inside I was dying, I really didn’t want to have the ‘birds and the bees” conversation with a 9-year-old, so I replied “You’re a virgin”, he followed up with “and you?”, I was like ” no son, I’m not a virgin anymore“. And the same thing happened with my daughter also around 9, so I’m guessing they have sex ed at school which is awesome, due to all the teenage pregnancies in the world, and how much younger kids are becoming parents. Her conversation went like this , my middle son asked her giggling “what’s your sex”, she replied and said “it’s female”, I started laughing and she says “mom it’s not funny that’s my sex, but my teacher said it at school the other day and I was like (gasp) “, I asked “but why?” she’s like coz “you can’t talk about sex at school”, and then she said “but my teacher explained to us about male and female”, so I was like OK so now do you understand the difference , she was blushing at this point and said “yes”. I casually spoke to the both of them and I said ” guys if you have any questions for mom about anything, even sex, it’s OK to come and ask me OK, you won’t be in trouble, it’s normal”, my son looked like he was dying and wanted to crawl in a hole ” and I re-enforced OK boy, anything ” he was “Yeees mom I heard you”. I continued with “please don’t ask your friends, remember they are as old as you and probably know less, rather come and ask me I am here”.

Let me tell you , my kids will hide and whisper but they always somehow end up coming to me and asking or telling me things that you would never expect from a tween let alone a teenager.

Kids should know their place

We’ve established I am a juvenile and I’m pretty open with my kids, we laugh and joke about alot of things, sex, condoms,girl friends, boy friends,  shaving all sorts of nonsense but there are limits. Don’t get me wrong my kids misbehave too, and will try their luck, but I feel like the environment we have created at home is one where we don’t go too far. Like when I’m having a conversation and my daughter feels like it’s OK to interrupt me because what she has to say is soooo important…No! No! No!that is something I will address immediately

So this is what I will say:
“I am speaking, next time, wait your turn. What is sooooo important you have to be so rude!?”, this will be met with a “I’m sorry mom, but,…”.

Back in the day I would have said,”give them a back-hand in the mouth” lol, but let’s face it, these days we can actually go to jail for such nonsense. Or we go out to eat and they feel like playing is more important that eating …No! After you’re done and there is no wastage you can play…until then you sit down and eat like a person , no walking and talking while eating like an animal…The way we instilled this one is to always sit together and eat, if I have guests over the kids usually sit at a different table,somewhere nearby incase they decide to follow suite, of what others are doing, I can set them straight with “Guys it’s eating time.” but we sit and eat finished before we even have soda’s and juices…I prefer no talking to but that’s my broken brain that can’t process sounds…it grates my cheese when someone is chewing and talking at the same time! Kids are no different.

This one I believe is effective because of point number one…they know better than to test me and push me to the limit. Even if I end up issuing a hiding or punishments , I don’t apologize for it…Kids will take advantage at every turn! I can promise you that.

Respect

Parents and guardians of the world…Respect goes both ways! Yes , I am a mother , I promise ,I’m not some teen pretending to be a mom, but you reap what you sow. We should let go of this stone age mentality that we are the elders and only we deserve respect. No! PEOPLE deserve respect and are kids also not people , humans, living organisms?. I can’t be walking around calling my kids names all day and expect them to love or even respect me, or even themselves for that matter ! it doesn’t work that way! We respected our parents out of fear! I would like for my kids and I to just have MUTUAL respect for each other. And for them to respect themselves above all. Respect doesn’t mean no discipline!!! it means when you ask for something say thank you, if you walk into the house and they are already home say hello! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…end of story!

Love

Naturally this is actually number one, the reason I am listing as the “final” tip is because we love those little guys so much that tips 1 through 4 will be out the door if you start thinking with your “love”. It is so obvious that we love our kids, I am probably one of the hardest people I know, but these little guys melted my heart, I honestly didn’t ever think it was possible to love so deeply. Now I’m not saying I don’t love my husband, but, it’s different! So try to show them you love them in whatever way works for them, every child is different. My teen is as hard as I am if not worse, so him and I know we don’t hug and touch especially not in public, but I will joke with him and randomly go ask for a kiss or say things like “do you love your mother son?”. I can see he get’s a tad uncomfortable but this is my way of letting him know I do love him. The other 2 have such big hearts and are so full of love it’s actually tiring, but they know I’m not affectionate but I do tell them I love them…Not everyday coz that’s just not me, but I re-enforce it as much as I can.My little girl and I write each other love letters from time to time. Or with the middle one if he asks me to play an Xbox game with him I would say “Ok only because I love you”. So try to be tactical about it, in a way that you are not a smother, but also enough that they never doubt how deeply you care!

I hope you’ve enjoyed! Please leave us some helpful tips in the comments that work for you ? Even if it’s just some discipline techniques

 

 

13 Comments

  1. A touching article. I once have a conversation with my son about if kissing makes a girl pregnant. I dont know how to answer, it surprise me. thanks for sharing!

    1. My advice is just dive right in…but like I said timing is important , the conversation has to be age appropriate 🙂 Gud luck with your future talks 🙂

  2. This is a great post. I don’t have teenagers just yet (Thank the Lord!) but since I’ve been a teenager within the last 5 to 10 years, I know that everything you’ve mentioned is so so important.

Leave a Reply