Hi There and welcome back!
Now I know I have a beauty blog, but, I never in a million years thought I would be writing about this or writing period, let alone putting myself out there on the internet. It’s just not who I am.
Anyway, so I was a teen mom. I can’t even explain the terror that I experienced. I wasn’t afraid of what people would say or how my father would react. I was afraid of what kind of mom I would be. I am not nurturing, or loving/affectionate and these were the things that I was thinking of at the time. Terrified doesn’t even begin to explain how I felt, but one thing I can say is, I knew I was going to be a mom. There were no other options for me, well I mean there were obviously, but it hadn’t occurred to me.
I had just completed High School and I was chilling, finding my way through adulthood and then…Bam!
Now let me say to the parents out there, who may possibly deal with this kind of scenario, it is rarely ever intentional. No young boy or girl set out to be a young parent. It just happens and God has a plan and there really is nothing you can do about that. What must be, shall be!
To the kids out there having kids, it’s ok guys. You may think your life is over, it isn’t. In the end, you’re still young and your dreams don’t have to end there. If you are motivated enough you can do this and do it well. I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s easy, it really isn’t. But what I can tell you is that your life is not over. You may have to make some changes and adjust to the situation, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Don’t go looking for razor blades. I have some tips here for you.
Tips for the young mother
- Do not have sex if you cannot deal with the possible consequences!
- Your body, ladies, will change. Please, please moisturize and DO NOT SCRATCH. This is where the stretchmarks come from!
- You may experience postnatal depression, its ok, it’s normal. The situation is overwhelming, so during this time, if you feel like crying, cry. If you need some space from the baby, call a sitter, your mom or dad maybe even a sibling, and go for a walk.
- Sleepless nights are not an immediate thing! But don’t get cocky here, it’s coming… For the first few weeks, they (the babies) are dolls. I actually used to wake my kids up so I could be sure they were alive.
- Once you’re healed up, get into a routine, immediately. I do believe kids should eat when they’re hungry. That “Every 2-hour rule” is nonsense! By routine I mean, make sure bath time and bedtime is the same time, every day. Now, there are days when the baby is restless, that’s ok. Just make sure that they are in a calm environment (where the lights are dim etc.) so that they recognize that its bedtime.
- Make time for you from day one. Trust me I know the feeling that comes with having a baby. You’re all mama bear and only want to do what’s best for the child, and that’s awesome. What isn’t awesome is having a zombie mom! If you’re a single mom, I really can’t say much as I haven’t been a single parent yet, but I can tell you, set boundaries. E.g. if you choose your bath time to be your time out, don’t allow, your child to disturb that. But at the same time, be reasonable. If your bath time is 8:00 pm every day, but your child is sick, I mean you can’t just ditch them to bath, right!?
- Going out – so you thought the party had to end right? Wrong! Everything in moderation my loves. So plan a girl’s night out in advance. Make sure that there is a sitter available. I was lucky, for me it was my hubby, or worst case, my dad or mom in law. If those people were not available, I’d cancel. Why? I don’t think it’s fair to leave my kids with anyone else, and we don’t have babysitter options as widely available here as in the rest of the world. If it’s is a date night with hubby, then the parents it is.
- Want to study? Do it! Yes, you will be strapped for time and maybe even cash, but if you are following your dream, go for it. A child doesn’t have to change what you do for yourself!
- Want to travel? Do it! At first taking baby along to let’s say spring break wouldn’t be practical, but go. I’m sure your parents would be happy to babysit. If not, wait a bit till your little one can join you (obviously not to spring break) but there are other places you could go right?!
- The only things you will have to put on hold in this situation are things that would interfere with your giving birth and healing time. I don’t think you should see this journey as a mistake and burden. As far as stability goes, I don’t believe it is defined by the house you live in or car you drive. A well-balanced happy child comes from a home filled with love, wherever that home may be.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying the partying won’t slow down or you can just come and go as you please. These things will change. But life doesn’t end here. Luckily for me by the time I had my little guy, I had already done a lot of these things and didn’t really miss it much. When I felt like going out, I did. It was less often but we always still had a blast.
First off, take care of yourself FIRST. It sounds selfish, I know. But, if you are not your best self, how can you care and mould another person to be their best self? If you’re constantly complaining how can you have a happy child? I know you think you can put on a show and may be able to fool the world, but, you can’t fool yourself, and you can’t fool your child either. This may not have been your first choice for your life or even what you had planned for the next 10 years, but it is happening and the best thing you can do is accept it. Make the best of the experience. I chose not to study. For a long time, I thought it was because I became a young mom, but that’s not it at all. It’s simply because I was unsure of what to study and I know I don’t like to study via correspondence.
This is going to sound so cliché, but these kids are the highlight of my life (not all the time) but I would give my life for them in a second. Looking back I am so grateful, I had them when I was so young. By the time my baby finishes school, I will still be young enough to enjoy my 40’s. If they have kids, and I become a grandmother, I will still be young enough to see my grandkids grow up and enjoy running around and playing with them too. So is it really that bad? I don’t think so…
Guys, I am not encouraging having kids when you’re a teen, or even early 20’s, I would definitely advise you to wait until you are 100% sure it is what you want, and what you can handle. However, if you find yourself in this situation, it’s not the end of the world.
Lots of love & light!