These kids tend to be the spoilt ones, in my case, my baby is my only girl too…like myself. Sadly for her, I was the baby and only girl in my family too, so she just can’t break the barriers because I know her tactics and I can tell when she is trying to manipulate me.
With her dad, obviously, she MIGHT have gotten away with it sometimes, until I reminded him of the saying “Happy wife = Happy Life”.
See for me, the thing is that people don’t seem to understand, I have multiple kids and I can’t say yes to the one and no to the other. When 1 child mentions something it goes viral in the home in an instant, then there’s the guilt trips, crying, or sulking, or in her case sending people to do her bidding. She assumes I am afraid to say no to other people’s kids, she’s learnt very early on, that this is not the case.
I don’t do things to make an impression or pretend to be someone I’m not, in order to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.
Now I do it in the best possible way when the answer is No, I’m not deliberately trying to make a child feel bad, or like I don’t want them there or that I don’t like them.
Unfortunately, when it became an every weekend story and I started saying no, I think that’s the vibe they got.
All the previous tips would apply to the baby, but I find with the youngest kids, parents have to stick together, you have to be on the same page, this is also important for ‘only children’. Like I said, she’s the only girl, and hubby has a particularly soft spot for her and she knows it!
The way we manage her and her expectations are that we created the illusion that “Mom makes all the decisions”. So she has to run every request by me and now she doesn’t even bother asking her dad. What she doesn’t see is, I usually say I will think about it, especially when he’s not home, then I do call and check with him too.
But if I say no, it’s no, she still cries and sulks but I think she’s learning those tricks don’t work on me, so they last about 5 minutes at most and we move on with our lives.
Overall guys if you have more than one child and feel that your house is always full of people and you need some space…Just say No. If you are not comfortable doing that, then say that you’re going out or to a friend’s place, and you are not sure if it would be ok to bring additional guests.
I know first-hand how hard it can be to constantly have people over and having kids running around. I mean it’s fun for a bit but then it’s not. All we end up doing is entertaining, cleaning, sleeping then repeating, to me this was just unacceptable. I am the type of person that can deal with other people for short periods of time, but I like my space, A LOT.
And plan, plan, plan… I promise planning and communication are key in these types of situations. If I know I’m having kids over this weekend I won’t even bother cleaning the way I usually do, so they can mess and not annoy me. Once the place is empty then I can clean properly.
If you don’t feel like having anyone over, say no. I don’t think people, kids, neighbours, friends or even family for that matter can get upset…It’s your space, do what makes you feel comfortable. There are those people who would take offence, or get upset, but that’s their problem, not yours.
Here are all the guidelines combined:
1. Discuss the rules with your kids.
2. Plan for when the sleepover is happening
3. Make sure the kids coming over understand the home rules
4. Make them feel welcome
5. Don’t give in to nagging and tantrums
6. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable
Remember parenting is a lifelong lesson, we are constantly learning, making mistakes and learning some more… You can only do your best, you really can’t do any more than that.
These are the lessons I’ve learnt, let me know what yours were?